


fresh hell dangling from a hanger

by perpetuallyqwqing



Category: Cardfight!! Vanguard
Genre: (Forced) Crossdressing, Cray Setting, Cray Units - Character - Freeform, Crossdressing, Gen, Liafail and Knies are together i just couldnt write it in, Luard gets his ass beat, Luard has no friends, Morfessa is a bamf, Subtle Morfessa/Babd, also short luard, and now im declaring it fanon, because i thought he was short for the longest time, crackfic, kind of, literally just crack
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-08
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-13 22:48:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,594
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29286309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/perpetuallyqwqing/pseuds/perpetuallyqwqing
Summary: "Nononono." Luard's voice is strangled. "I refuse. I'm not, you can't-""Oh, I can," Morfessa purrs, placing extra emphasis on the last word. "This is not a request, Luard, in case you had assumed otherwise. I've had enough of your nonsense, and today I have decided to be kind."-in which Morfessa has had enough of Luard's nonsense, and decides it's finally time for that gremlin to face hell's fury in the form of a dress.
Relationships: Luard & Babd, Luard & Morfessa, Morfessa/Babd
Comments: 6
Kudos: 3





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> this is purely a crackfic. there is no other way to put it. also, the extent of my dragwizards knowledge starts at luard, ends at babd, and there are only about 3 people in the middle of that line. what can i say, i love luard, but i don't play the deck.  
> no knowledge of the lore is required (though it would be good to have and more things will make sense)
> 
> enjoy the next 2.1k words of nonsense lol

Luard stares at Morfessa, then back to the... _thing_ she is holding in her hands. He takes one step back - eyes frantically darting between whatever fresh hell Morfessa has dangling from a hanger, and Morfessa herself, who is smiling brightly as if she isn't condemning him to the fresh hell she has dangling from a hanger. 

"Nononono." Luard's voice is strangled. "I refuse. I'm not, you can't-" 

"Oh, I can," Morfessa purrs, placing extra emphasis on the last word. "This is not a request, Luard, in case you had assumed otherwise. I've had enough of your nonsense, and today I have decided to be _kind_." 

The dragwizard mage takes another step forward, and each click of her heels is another stab to Luard's gut. He shuffles back further, casting pleading eyes to the other dragwizards in the area. 

Liafail shrugs, kicking back in his seat, but Luard doesn't miss the amusement in his eyes all the way from over here. Knies, meanwhile, flicks him a glance as he sits upside down on the same couch, legs and tail draped over the sofa and swinging idly. His lips curl in a knowing, smug smirk. 

Luard forgets that he's not exactly friends with everybody here. 

"Morfessa, please, I'm sorry for-" _What the hell did I even do this time?_ "-what I've done. But I can't- _wear_ that thing, I'm not going to lose my dignity over this-" 

"-Don't think you have much to begin with," Liafail sings from the couch, not looking up from the book he has open on his lap. 

Luard wants to dragshift right there and then, and shred that shit-eating grin off that fucker's _face_. 

Unfortunately, he has bigger problems on his hands. Or rather, he has bigger problems on _Morfessa's_ hands. His urge to unleash hell on Liafail is immediately quelled by the fact that if he doesn't book it in the next 30 seconds, Morfessa will be unleashing hell on _him_. 

And yes, Luard may be a madman, but even a madman knows when to fuck off when he sees it. 

So, obviously, he books it. 

Now, if there's one thing Luard is somewhat proud of, it's his ability to dart away and run for his life. A skill he was forced to hone, during his younger years of thievery to get through another day. You'll certainly learn to run _very fast_ , when there was a mob of big angry men and sometimes, actual rabid high beasts on your tail. Thankfully, Luard was (is) small, and knew how to exploit this fact to throw off his pursuers, like mouse scurrying and weaving through crowded streets. 

Unfortunately, even the most nimble of mice would find themselves in a bit of a fickle when there were, say, 10 equally agile and far more powerful cats pouncing after it from every corner of the streets. 

Ah, and it would _certainly_ be quite the problem when even the _street_ itself was against it. 

Luard swears to the wind as he speeds through the fortress, trying to evade the grasp of any and all other dragwizards around _(how did Morfessa manage to bribe them into helping her? or do they just see this as a stupid game those fuckers-)_ , while also trying not to get himself caught between shifting hallways and doors conveniently locking themselves shut in his face. 

"That's not fair!" he yells, as the stairs he'd been leaping down twist into a dead end that has never been there before. "You can't just use _Eingang and all the other dragwizards against me!"_

"Boo hoo, I do what I want." 

Morfessa stands at the top of the stairs, smirking as her blue dragling familiar nips and bites at Luard's sleeve. He shoots her the most pissed off glare he can muster, to which the dragwizard mage shrugs off as easily as snow off her robes. 

Luard finally manages to grab the stupid dragon by its neck, the creature squawking in protest, and fling it at its master's face, who also squawks in protest. In the next heartbeat, he summons his own ritual circles, gritting at the prospect of being forced to do this when he's been trying to conserve his mana-! 

**_"Dragdrive!"_ **

He feels the surge of energy that courses through his veins, the familiar strength of a dragon's unlocked potential. Luard's vision blurs, then refocuses in an even sharper image of what it had been previously. His left arm bristles with red scales and thorns, as it always did whenever he uses any form of dragshift. 

Luard snarls at Morfessa, who's smirking with narrowed eyes, and _flies_ over her head. 

Wings really are a blessing, aren't they. Those angels have it lucky. 

Flying proves to be a lot more effective - even with dragshift, not everyone has the ability to manifest wings as easily as Luard. He soars, just out of reach of grasping hands and claws, making sure to keep his tail up and away to prevent anyone from simply yoinking him down. 

There is, however, a miscalculation. 

Luard flies into a wall. 

In his defence, the wall most definitely hadn't been there a second ago, and the ceiling should have been high enough to comfortably accommodate a small flying boy with wings. He had, unfortunately, forgotten that the fortress is under _Morfessa's_ control, being the leader of the dragwizards and all, which means that no amount of running, or flying for that matter, will land him anywhere near an escape. 

Luard mumbles curses under his breath as his pursuers, that is to say all other dragwizards in the area, practically pounce on him the moment his body hits the floor. Knies even has the audacity to _sit_ on him, plopping himself down on the poor blond's back and slapping the back of his head with his tail. 

Luard sees Morfessa's heels appear in front of him, and groans into the cold stone ground. 

"Well," Morfessa drawls, dangerously sweet. "Finally caught you, little rat." 

Knies whines in displeasure (another person to add to the lengthening list of people Luard will murder someday) as he is instructed to get off, but he doesn't disobey the dragwizard mage, because no sane person would dare disobey Morfessa, and complies. Luard is an exception to this rule, not because he's insane, but rather just kind of stupid. 

He should have taken this opportunity to take off again, once Knies' weight lifts away, but god that guy was _heavy_ , and Luard swears he's bruised at least a few ribs from being sat on alone. Also, his head still hurts from when he flew into the wall, so trying to run away now will no doubt land him in the exact same situation in less than ten seconds. He might as well just give up now and accept his fate. 

Which is exactly what Luard does as Morfessa's clawed hand yanks him up by the cape, then slides under his chin to lift his head and look him in the eyes. From the corner of Luard's own vision, he catches sight of the blasted thing Morfessa is _still_ holding in the other hand, and gulps. 

Morfessa smiles, a thin curve of her lips that seem to stretch from ear to ear, not unlike that of a cheshire cat's. 

"Keep the dragshift," she casually remarks as she drags him off, while her dragling familiar helpfully sits itself on Luard's face as payback for earlier. "You'll look much better with them around." 

Luard has long raised the white flag, giving up on resisting anymore with Morfessa towing him away to... wherever she plans to unleash her hell. 

But he _can_ desummon his wings and tail, just to spite her. 

"Not. A. word." 

"..." 

Babd sighs, closing her eyes as she crosses her arms, and opening them only after a few deep breaths. She bites her tongue, scanning the blond dragwizard in front of her a good few times, trying to figure out how to respond without setting off a landmine. 

"Well, at least you look good in it..." 

"I sa- I _said!_ Not! A! word!" 

Luard yells, face heating up (even more so than it already is), then groans, shooting his sister a glare through the gaps of his fingers. "Kill me..." 

Babd just gives him an awkward pat on the head, to which Luard just sulks further. 

In normal circumstances, she would have pat him in the back (it's far less awkward that way), but unfortunately, Luard's back is currently exposed, for the lack of a better description. _Laid bare_ would be a more accurate way of putting it, considering that the window of open skin stretched from his shoulders right down to his waist, but Luard doesn't need the further embarrassment of having that pointed out, and Babd isn't cruel enough to subject him to it. The other dragwizards, however, probably do not share the same sentiment. The fact that Luard is currently holed up in Babd's own room is evidence enough. 

"She didn't let you keep the cape? Not even uh, _that_ one?" 

They both know exactly which cape Babd is talking about in question. Luard had banished it to the corner of his wardrobe the moment he could (that is to say, the moment he found enough time after all that nonsense to get rid of whatever the fuck [REDACTED] had done to his clothes.) 

"Bitch hexed me," Luard mumbles. "Burns my skin with rashes if I try to wear anything else. Yes, even _that_ one - but I'll rather die than touch that thing again, anyway." 

Well, that would explain the angry red patches of skin on Luard's arms and legs. Babd briefly makes a mental note to get some kind of ointment or potion for that. 

"How do you girls walk around in this kind of thing..." Luard tugs at the hem of the skirt, already wrinkled under his curled fingers. "It barely goes halfway down my thighs!" 

Babd glances at his legs, pressed together with an undoubted level of discomfort - _poor guy finally having to learn some modesty after man-spreading his whole life_ \- and the reply "It makes your legs look good" almost, _almost_ slips her tongue. 

Actually, it did slip her tongue; she must have muttered it under her breath or something, because Luard's eyes widen and that furious blush is back, all the way to the tips of his elf ears. 

He flings a pillow at her, and Babd manages to catch it in her arms, shaking her head with a small smile. 

She’s not lying. The short skirt falls less than halfway down the dragwizard's thighs, below it a few centimeters of skin before a black stocking continues the length of Luard's leg. Leg, in singular terms, because only Luard's left leg has a stocking. His right is basically bare, save for a twirl of ribbon starting by his thigh and trailing away. 

It certainly accentuates his slender figure, the dark colors contrasting pale skin. 

_I wonder if Morfessa’s making him wear this because she can't..._

But Luard is far too short to even compare to Morfessa's height. So where on cray had she pulled this outfit from, and why does she even have it? Babd doesn't recognize it, either, so it can't be one of the other mages... 

A brief thought surfaces, voicing another possibility, that Babd quickly swats it aside before her own face starts to color. 

_I'm about the same height as Luard too..._

She shakes her head again, and chooses to refocus on the current situation at hand. That is to say, how to kick the sulking elf out of her room, because as much as Babd cares about her little brother, she would like to sleep in _private._

Babd sighs, running her fingers through her hair. "Are you going to, like, go back to your room?" 

"No!" Luard shoots up too quickly, then yelps as the back of his skirt flies (Babd averts her eyes and sighs again). "I'm not going out there! Besides, Liafail's room is right next to mine..." 

"You have to leave eventually. Just get used to it," Babd huffs, trying not to roll her eyes. "If anyone bothers you, just tell them to screw off, or I'll deal with them." 

She shoots a glance at her wall calendar. "...Anyways, aren't you supposed to head to the United Sanctuary tomorrow? To meet with that Gold Paladin guy?" 

Luard pales (it's amazing how quickly his face changes colors) and groans into his hands for the millionth time. 

**_"Fuck!!!"_**

_the dress in question:_

**__ **

_drawn by yours truly (:_


	2. Morfessa and Babd

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Morfessa and Babd spend some time together after Luard's fucked off to unisanc

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finalky writing this after ive returned to earth from my serotonin high  
> im still too lazy to google what other dragwizards exist so you'll have to deal with the same three people being mentioned over and over. im probably wrong about a lot of things but who cares 
> 
> one day i'll dedicate a fic to liafail for being the best side character to namedrop so easily.

"Say, Morfessa..." 

"Hm?" Morfessa hums, still running her fingers through Babd's short brown hair. It's curly and messy, thanks to the hat-hair problem almost every single wizard except Liafail faces (not everybody is so bold as to shave off their fringe and show it to the world), but the taller mage seems to enjoy playing with her hair nonetheless. Babd herself doesn't deny she hates the act, either, frequently finding herself in Morfessa's lap to enjoy the idle motions. 

Babd pulls away a little, craning her neck ever-so-slightly to face Morfessa. When she looks up, Morfesaa's striking violet eyes, glinting with curiosity, are locked onto the elf's own crimson ones. It takes every bone in Babd's body to resist the urge to look away with a flush - even now, it's still difficult for her to face the dragwizards' leader without getting embarrassed, even if they have been together for the past three months or so. 

"About Luard's, ah..." Babd's voice trails off, one part because she doesn't know exactly what she plans on asking about, the state of her brother's wellbeing or his "punishment", and another part because Morfessa's fingers are now massaging the back of her head and it feels really _really_ good. 

"Oh, him?" Morfessa chuckles, as Babd resigns to closing her eyes and leaning against Morfessa's chest to savor the feeling. "The last I saw, a handful of others were oogling him as he ran down the hall. Who would've thought, hm?" 

"More like mocking him..." Babd mumbles under her breath, and Morfessa laughs again. She doesn't confirm nor deny the statement. 

Instead, the blonde mage chooses to play another card. "Are you curious about the dress?" 

That makes Babd shoot up instantly, almost falling over backwards and out of Morfessa's lap. Morfessa catches her easily, in the midst of Babd's moment of frantic flailing. She ends up regaining her balance red in the face, averting Morfessa's amused gaze as she nods. 

"Ah, how should I put it..." 

Clawed fingers find themselves on Babd's waist, pulling her in closer, while Morfessa's other hand slips from behind her head to under her chin, lifting her head up to meet Morfessa's violet eyes once more. 

"I found one that suits you better," Morfessa mumurs by Babd's ear, the words whispering by like a breeze. "So I thought your brother deserved the other as a little... gift." 

Babd has to run the sentence in her head multiple times over, until the implications click with the realizations, and she gawks at Morfessa, face flushed even redder than before. 

"H-huh...?" 

Morfessa grins, and pulls Babd in, planting a light kiss on the top of her head. 

"Oh, you'll see it when it arrives, sweetheart~" 

Babd makes some muffled sound in response, and Morfessa can feel the heat of her blush even through all the layers of black cloth she wears. Her smile widens against Babd's fluffy hair. 

_Ah... how cute._

_Babd in the same dress as Luard, by request of a friend_  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THERE IS ANOTHER ONE ON ITS WAY. IM NOT DONE YET
> 
> more vg nonsense on my twit: https://twitter.com/Hayaang1

**Author's Note:**

> take a shot everytime i use italics or brackets
> 
> there are a few bonus scenes i couldnt/didnt want to include here that i might include in another chapter or something  
> also this takes place post gyze in case the [REDACTED] wasn't obvious  
> the cape in question refers to Dragfall's, for the non-luard players who might not know or realize.  
> very, very, very subtle hints of morbabd. i highkey ship them together  
> i ship knies with liafail too i just dont know where to include them. knies sits upside down because tail
> 
> oh, and as for who exactly Luard is supposed to meet with... I'll leave that unanswered for now (feel free to take your guesses lol) but that Gold Paladin unit's identity will definitely be revealed if i come around to writing those bonus scenes.


End file.
